Parshas Ki Savo
By Rabbi Dovid Zauderer
This issue of the Z-mail is dedicated in honor of the recent engagement of our daughter Penina to Dovi Spero from Toronto
When young people get married, the primary blessing we give them is that they should build a Bayis Ne'eman b'Yisrael, a “faithful’ home among the Jewish people.
The question I always had is why, at the very beginning of the young couples’ married life together, with all their lofty aspirations and dreams for an amazing marriage, should we be shooting so low in our hopes and expectations for them.
We bless the newlyweds: “May you build a bayis ne’eman,- a faithful home - among the Jewish people!“
Now what does that mean? That the couple shouldn’t cheat on each other?!” That’s almost like wishing the newlyweds: “May you never hit each other on the head with a rock!” C’mon! Really? Is this the most we can expect from the bride and groom at this point?
[I once suggested half in jest that the Hebrew word ne’eman in this context doesn’t mean faithful. Rather, it means believable. As we find in many places in the Talmud where it refers to a witness’ story or testimony as ne’eman or believable. So that when we are blessing the young couple that they build a bayis ne’eman, in essence we are wishing them that their marriage should always be “believable” …. i.e. nobody should be saying about them 25 years later “What? Those two are still married? I don’t believe it!”. Rather, their marriage should always remain believable. “Of course they are still together! They are like two peas in a pod!”]
Maybe we can find an answer to our question from a verse in this week’s Torah portion, Parshas Ki Savo. More than half the parshah contains Moses’ Tochachah, or “Admonition” to the Jewish people, a chilling prophecy of the horrors that would befall them if they spurned G-d and the Torah.
Towards the end of the Tochachah, the Torah warns of various evil and ne’eman (ne’emanim in Hebrew) illnesses that will afflict the Jewish People as punishment for their sins (see Deuteronomy 28:59). The Talmud in Avodah Zarah 55a explains the Torah’s characterization of illnesses as ne’eman to mean that these illnesses are ne’eman and “reliable” messengers who will carry out their respective missions faithfully.
Rashba”m and other Bible commentators however seem to understand the word ne-eman in this verse differently. They explain that the word ne’eman in this context means “enduring” and “long-lasting”, i.e. the evil illnesses that will befall the Jewish people due to their many sins will be enduring and won’t go away for a long time.
Based on the above, we can now come to a new understanding of the traditional blessing that is given to the bride and groom: “May you build a bayit ne’eman among the Jewish people!“ We are wishing the newlywed couple that their marriage together should be “enduring” and “long-lasting”.
And how can the new couple ensure that their marriage is rock-solid so that it lasts for a long time?
The answer to this very important question can be found in the shoresh (root) of the same Hebrew word ne’eman that we have been discussing until now.
The word ne’eman is related (has the same three-letter root: alef, mem, nun) as the Hebrew word emunah, which means “belief”. It is also related to the Hebrew word uman. which means “craftsman”.
Coincidence? I think not!
Rather, the message we are being taught here is that the only way to ensure and guarantee a long-lasting and enduring marriage is if we believe that our spouse is our bashert (“soulmate”) and that there could be no other person for us.
At the same time, we must also be willing to put in the work to craft the relationship and to chip away at the imperfections, so that we can have an amazing marriage together.
May we all be blessed (where applicable) with a Bayis Ne’eman b’Yisrael – a marriage that is forever!
http://www.torchweb.org/torah_detail.php?id=679