Parshas Korach (5779)
On the Shabbos before the wedding, it is the custom for the chassan (groom) to be called to the reading of the Torah in the synagogue. This is called an Aufruf, which literally means “calling up†(or aliyah in Hebrew).
In most synagogues, an Aufruf is a major affair, almost like a Bar Mitzvah. The cantor calls the groom to the Torah with a special chant. After the Torah is read and the groom finishes the after-blessing, everybody shouts “Mazel Tov†and sings in his honor. While the congregation is singing, it is customary for the friends and family of the chassan and kallah (bride) to throw bags filled with nuts, raisins, and candy at the groom. This symbolizes that the new couple should have a sweet, fruitful life.
[On a more practical level, it helps to prepare the poor groom for all the dishes and other objects that his wife might throw at him during their married life together!]
The nuts that are thrown are alluded to in the verse, “I went down to the nut garden…†(Song of Songs 6:11). Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan, in his wonderful book Made in Heaven: A Jewish Wedding Guide, quotes the Divrei Tzadikim who explains this ‘nutty’ idea as follows: Before one can enjoy the kernel of a nut, one must first break away the shell. Similarly, before two people can know one another intimately, they must gradually break the shells and barriers that come between them. True, lasting love involves time and effort – but is well worth it.
[My brother’s friend came up with a novel way of protecting himself from getting hurt by all the hard nuts and other candies that would be thrown at him during his Aufruf. On Friday before Shabbos he came to the synagogue and placed a football helmet inside the bimah (the platform in the synagogue from which the Torah is read.) The next day at the aufruf, as soon as he finished the after-blessing on the Torah, he quickly pulled out his helmet from inside the bimah and put it on and told everyone to bring it on!! Of course, these days, nobody throws nuts anymore – especially with all the nut allergies that people have – so the candy of choice for the majority of Aufrufs has become Sunkist Fruit Gems. Bunch of wimps!]
Now we know that Jews are not the only ones who like to throw things at brides and grooms. The ancient Romans would throw wheat, which was meant to wish fertility for the newlyweds. Soon afterward – for whatever reason - rice became a universal symbol for fertility.
[The rice toss lost some luster in recent years after a rumor spread that birds' stomachs would explode if they ate the rice. The rumor is false. That didn't stop Connecticut state legislator from introducing a bill in 1985 that would have banned the practice. Today, thankfully, you're free to throw rice as often as you like without fear of harming our feathered friends.]
Speaking of rice at weddings …
Joan Rivers once quipped about Elizabeth Taylor: “She’s been married so many times, she has rice marks on her face!â€
I always wondered … If Americans throw rice at weddings, do Chinese throw hamburgers?
All kidding aside, what is a Jewish source for the minhag (custom) of throwing stuff at the bride and groom before or after the wedding?
One of the earliest Jewish sources for this time-honored custom is the Talmud in Berachos 50b which relates that friends and family would “throw parched grain and nuts in front of the bride and groomâ€.
Rabbi Eleazar of Worms (c.1176–1238), a leading Talmudist and Kabbalist who was known as the Rokeach, after a famous work he authored titled Sefer HaRokeach, writes that it is customary to throw salt at the bride and groom. He explains that this is based on a verse in this week’s Torah portion, Parshas Korach, where G-d tells the Kohanim (priests) that His covenant with them is a “salt-like covenant†(see Numbers 18:19), meaning that it is eternal, just like salt which is a preservative that neither spoils nor decays. By throwing salt at the newlywed couple, we thus wish them a long-lasting and indestructible marriage together.
[BTW, with this understanding of the symbolism of salt for a newlywed couple, we can gain a new perspective on another time-honored Jewish minhag – the custom to have salt on our table at every bread meal (see Shulchan Aruch O.C. 167:5 in Rema). The salt is a preservative which reminds us to “preserve†our meal so that long after the physical food has been digested and is out of our bodies, the more spiritual aspects of the meal – the blessings that we made and the Torah that we discussed – will have remained.]
In more recent times, the custom to throw sweets at the groom at his aufruf also led to the practice of throwing candies at a bar mitzvah boy when he is called to the Torah. However, many rabbis opposed this practice, noting that there is no hint of such a custom in the Talmud nor any record of it being done in earlier generations.
[Sources: Made in Heaven: A Jewish Wedding Guide by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan; Moznaim Publishing]
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