Parshas Behar (5779)
Many years ago I was on a job interview to become the rabbi/educational director for a kiruv (Jewish outreach) organization in a big city somewhere in the U.S. The rabbi who was looking to hire me brought me with him to the fancy downtown office of a wealthy philanthropist who was the head of the local Federation and also a major supporter of the outreach organization. The philanthropist sat me down across from him and presented me with the following challenge:
“Rabbi, my wife and I are getting on in years and are thinking about where we would like to be buried when we die. We already purchased two plots in the local Jewish cemetery many years ago. The problem is that the cemetery is not kept well and, frankly, looks disgusting! A much better option for us would be the small cemetery just down the block from our vacation home. The lawn is perfectly manicured, beautiful flowers are everywhere - the place is gorgeous! The only issue is that the cemetery is Christian, not Jewish. Rabbi, give me one good reason why my wife and I shouldn’t be laid to rest in the beautiful cemetery near our vacation home – even though it’s not Jewish.â€
I felt like this was part of my job interview, i.e. if I could somehow come up with a good reason why the wealthy philanthropist should be buried in the ugly Jewish cemetery and not in the beautiful Christian one, then the job would be mine.
So I offered what I think is the “obvious†reason. I told him that just as he supported so many Jewish causes during his lifetime – thus sending a message to his family and community through his philanthropy about how much being Jewish meant to him, so, too, would his choice to be buried in the local Jewish cemetery – neglected and rundown though it might be – send a message to his family and community about how much being together with the Jewish people meant to him.
“Not good enough!â€, said the philanthropist. (Tough crowd, I thought.)
I don’t know what got into me – call it a stroke of genius, if you like - but I then made my second attempt at convincing the philanthropist to be buried in the Jewish cemetery using the following well-known story:
The brilliant Talmudic scholar and leader of European Jewry Rabbi Akiva Eiger ZTâ€L (1761-1837) served as rabbi in the town of Pozna. One of the wealthy Jews in town, who was known to have lent his money out with interest, passed away. [Ed. Note: This is in direct violation of Torah law, which forbids charging interest on loans – see this week’s Torah portion, Parshas Behar, in Leviticus 25:35-38.] The Chevra Kadisha (Burial Society), who ran the Jewish cemetery, refused to bury the man until they received a tremendous amount of money for the plot. The family was very upset with them, and went to the local authorities to complain.
The local Governor called in Rabbi Akiva Eiger and demanded from him an explanation as to why this family was being singled out to pay such a huge amount of money. Rabbi Akiva Eiger answered, that usually when we sell a burial plot, we believe that the sale is only temporary. When the time comes for Resurrection of the Dead, the ground will be emptied, and the land will go back to its original owner. [Ed. Note: It is one of the Thirteen Principles of the Jewish Faith to believe in the ultimate Resurrection of the Dead sometime in the future.] In this case, however, the deceased had made all his money taking advantage of poor people and lending them money for interest. According to our tradition (see Yalkut Shimoni on Ezekiel #376), such a person will not merit to arise at the time of the Resurrection. The sale of the burial plot, then, is a permanent one and costs much more money. The Governor heard the explanation and accepted it.
I then said to the wealthy philanthropist, “You see, we Jews don’t bother beautifying our cemeteries too much because our burial plots are only temporary as we don’t plan on our bodies being there for too long before they are resurrectedâ€.
“Still not good enough!â€, said the philanthropist. (I personally thought it was brilliant, but the wealthy man was having none of it. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job!)
All this got me thinking about whether placing flowers on a grave is actually a Jewish thing.
This question was discussed by the great Hungarian Chassidic Rebbe and Halachist, Rabbi Chaim Elazar Spira of Munkacs ZTâ€L (1871–1937), in his Responsa Minchas Elazar 4:61.
Rabbi Spira was of the opinion that placing flowers at the gravesite was not to be done for a variety of reasons. The most important reason is that it is not a Jewish custom, but rather a non-Jewish practice. We read in Leviticus 18:3, “Like the practices of the land of Canaan, to which I am bringing you, you shall not do, and you shall not follow their statutes.†This means that a Jew must be careful not to follow the practices of the non-Jews.
[See Rabbi Aron Moss’ very excellent article Why No Flowers on Jewish Graves online at Chabad.org for a different explanation as to why Jews don’t place flowers on graves.
https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1911395/jewish/Why-No-Flowers-on-Jewish-Graves.htm ]
Who knows if it’s not a Jewish thing to place flowers on the grave and to generally beautify the cemetery for the same reason we mentioned earlier – that our burial plots are only temporary, so we don’t make a big fuss over them with flowers etc.
If anything, the “Jewish†thing to do when visiting a cemetery is to leave a small stone on the grave in honor of the deceased, to show that one visited the grave. (Stones are much cheaper than flowers.)
Some Jews even have the custom to rip out grass when leaving a cemetery. And the Shach, in his commentary to the Laws of Mourning in Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 376:4, explains that this is an allusion to the Resurrection of the Dead, who will come back to life from their earth, as it is said (Psalms 72:16): “May they blossom forth from the city like the grass of the earthâ€. Who knew?
http://www.torchweb.org/torah_detail.php?id=566