Parshas Ki Teitzei (5778)
Isaac and Sarah got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, Sarah immediately called her mother Leah. "Well," said Leah, "how was the honeymoon, darling?"
"Oh mom," Sarah replies, "the honeymoon was fantastic. It was so romantic, and ..and..." Then Sarah starts to cry. "Oh mom, as soon as we got back, Isaac started using terrible language. He said things I'd never hoped to hear, all those 4-letter words. Please mom, get into your car now and come and take me home."
"Calm down, darling," says Leah, "Tell your mother what could be that awful. Don't be shy, tell me what 4-letter words Isaac used."
"Please mom, I'm too embarrassed to tell you, they're terrible words. Just come and take me away," says Sarah.
"But bubeleh, you must tell me, you must tell me what the 4-letter words were."
Still crying, Sarah replies, "Oh mom, he used words like WASH, COOK, IRON, DUST .."
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This might be a funny joke, but the “honeymoon†vacation taken by newlyweds shortly after their wedding is serious business, as we shall see.
Did you ever wonder why that vacation is even called a “honeymoon�
The Online Etymology Dictionary writes that the word “honeymoon†derives from honey (n.) in reference to the new marriage's sweetness, and moon (n.) "month" in reference to how long it probably will last, or from the changing aspect of the moon: no sooner full than it begins to wane.
How tragic is that! The name “honeymoon†itself reflects the sad realization that the new marriage’s sweetness will likely not last, just as the moon wanes soon after it waxes.
[I always wish couples getting married that their wedding day should be the least happy day of their married life – because if it were to be the most happy day, then it’s all downhill from there, as is often the case.]
But there is another way …
You see, according to Jewish tradition, it is not the practice for the bride and groom to “escape†on a honeymoon right after the wedding. Rather, they remain in their home community. They are beginning their married life, not separated from the community, but as an integral part of it.
This beautiful tradition serves as a powerful reminder to the new couple of the tremendous opportunity and great responsibility they now have as yet another Jewish family in the community who can create a Jewish home that will manifest G-dliness and radiate light and goodness to all those around it. How beautiful is that!
As Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan explains in his Jewish Wedding Guide Made in Heaven: During the bridal week, the newlyweds remain together at all times, learning to enjoy each other’s company. It is also customary for close relatives or friends to make special meals for the bridal pair, as written in the Torah (see Genesis 29:27). Such meals are known as Sheva Berachos (literally, “Seven Blessingsâ€), since the Seven Blessings are said after the Grace, just as at the wedding. This seven-day celebration, which was ordained by Moses, was a custom even in the time of the Patriarchs.
[Of course, the newlyweds will have ample time to spend away from the community and alone with each other on a “honeymoon†just as soon as the seven-day Sheva Berachos celebrations in the community are over. There is even a Biblical commandment mentioned in this week’s Torah portion – see Deuteronomy 24:5 - for the newly married couple to focus exclusively on each other for at least the first year of their marriage, as they work on solidifying their nascent relationship.]
I believe that the reason why the “honeymoon†never lasts is because it is of a primarily physical nature – and nothing physical lasts for too long until it dies or fades away. And when the honeymoon is celebrated at the very beginning of the new couple’s married life, it sets the tone for the entire relationship that it will be more physical than not, thus running a greater risk of deteriorating.
This is in contrast with the traditional Jewish wedding where the seven-day Sheva Berachos celebrated immediately after the wedding and within the community serve to elevate the new couple and to give them a feeling that through this marriage they are becoming part of something spiritual and greater than the two of them together. And when a marriage relationship begins with such lofty, spiritual aspirations, it has a greater chance of surviving and thriving.
http://www.torchweb.org/torah_detail.php?id=528