Parshas Mattos (5768)
Perhaps the strangest of all Jewish lifecycle events is
the Shalom Zachar. Unlike other lifecycle celebrations,
there are no speeches, there is no ceremony, no
special prayers or songs. It is just a bunch of people
getting together, saying L'chaim and Mazel Tov.
The Shalom Zachar (lit. "Welcoming the Male") is an
informal gathering which takes place on the first
Friday night after a baby boy's birth, generally at the
home of the newborn. Light refreshments are served,
including the traditional chick peas, but not a full meal.
Typically, friends and family drop by to convey their
congratulations, to have a bite to eat, to share words
of Torah, and to sing songs welcoming the newborn
and thanking God for the birth.
The source for this Ashkenazic custom is the ruling of
the Rem"a in the Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah
265:12: "It is customary to make a festive meal on the
Friday night after the birth of a baby boy. People go to
the house where the baby is, to taste something
[there], and this [eating] is also [considered] a seudas
mitzvah."
So what is the Shalom Zachar really all about? Rabbi
Paysach Krohn, in his book Bris Milah, quotes various
commentators who explain the deeper meaning
behind this strange event: While a baby develops
within the womb, an angel teaches him the entire
Torah. Just before birth, the angel touches the child on
his mouth causing him to forget all that he has
learned (Talmud - Niddah 30b). The gathering in the
home of the newborn is to "console" him for the Torah
he has forgotten (Ta"z Yoreh De'ah 265:13). And since
the baby is "in mourning" for the Torah he has lost,
lentils or beans (and chick peas) are usually served,
since these foods are customarily eaten by mourners
(Zocher HaBris 3:6).
The Shalom Zachar is held on Friday night, for that is
when people are more apt to be at home, and
available to participate (Trumas HaDeshen 269).
Additionally, the Midrash (Vayikra Rabba 27:10)
relates the parable of a king who visited a province
and decreed that anyone wishing to have an audience
with him personally, must first pay respects to the
royal matron. So too, one who wishes to enter into
everlasting covenant with God [the King] through
circumcision must first celebrate with the Sabbath
Queen. (Ta"z Yoreh De'ah 265:13).
Rabbi Yaakov Emden, in his Siddur, speculates that
the proper name for the celebration is Shalom Zachor
(zachor means "remembering" as opposed to zachar,
which means "male"). Based on the Talmudic
teaching cited above that the baby is made to forget
the entire Torah, we gather at the newborn's home on
Shabbos - about which is written "Remember the day
of Sabbath" (Exodus 20:8) - and pray that he will
indeed study the Torah and 'remember' what he has
forgotten.
Alternatively, Rabbi Emden suggests that on
Shabbos, the day of "remembering", we seek to
remind the newborn baby of the oath he took inside
the womb to be a good Jew. This is based on the
Talmud (also in Niddah 30b) which states: "The child
does not leave the womb before it is made to take an
oath. And what is the context of the oath that is
administered to the unborn child? He is told as
follows: Become a righteous person and not a wicked
one ..."
I think we can understand the unique power of
Shabbos to remind the infant of its "in utero" oath or
Torah learning as follows: The Vilna Gaon, in his
commentary to Proverbs 6:33, quotes the Zohar in
Parshas Naso which states that when a person is
about to die, that very same angel who taught him the
entire Torah in his mother's womb now comes back
to see how much of that original Torah he actually
studied and put into practice in this world.
I believe that the deeper message here is that there
are two points in a person's life when he has total
clarity as to his mission here on earth and to the vast
potential of growth and good deeds which he is meant
to actualize: just before he enters into the physical
world as a newborn baby and just before he leaves it
and goes on to the next world. This clarity is
symbolized by the angel who teaches the new baby all
the Torah it needs to know and later comes to test
him - now as a grown-up old man - to see how much
he learned and accomplished.
The challenge is, though, how will the young baby
growing up be able to remind himself of his mission
and ultimate purpose between those two points -
when life happens, and when he gets busy with all
the "toys" of the physical world which can easily
distract him from his goals???
That is where Shabbos comes in. Shabbos is
that "seven-day reminder" of what we're really here for
on earth. On this holy day of no distractions and
outside noise, the child/grown-up "reminds" himself of
that oath he took in his mother's womb when he got
the clarity of all the Torah that he studied. This way he
can be sure that he will do well at the end of his life on
his "final exam" when the angel returns.
[Ed. Note: Rabbi Yaakov Emden further explains that
since the Zohar in Parshas Lech Lecha teaches that
man and women are each plag nishmesa - two parts
of one whole soul - the oath that this boy fetus is
made to swear in the womb is really being sworn by
his "soulmate" at the same time. Thus, the Shalom
Zachar, whose purpose is to remind the newborn of
that oath, is a celebration for both girls and boys, as it
actually incorporates both the newborn baby boy and
his future other half - wherever that girl may be.]
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